Speech and Voice

Assertive: 

"I" messages; honest statements that are direct and to the point.  Well-modulated voice that is congruent with verbal message given.  Smooth, flowing speech pattern.

Non-Assertive:  

Lots of apologies and "ums," "ers," and "I means."  "Beating around the bush" and not coming to the point.  Soft "wimpy" voice.

Aggressive: "You" messages.  "Loaded" words that start fights.  Sarcastic or cocky speech.  Tense, loud and demanding voice.  Attacking.

Eyes

Assertive: 

Open with direct, comfortable eye contact, but not staring.      

Non-Assertive: 

Downcast or looking away.

Aggressive:  

Glaring, staring, cold.

Posture

Assertive:                       

Relaxed, upright and "good" posture; straight on.

Non-Assertive:  

Excessive agreement and head-nodding; stooped; leaning for support.

Aggressive:                       

Hands on hips; stiff or rigid; feet apart.

Hands

Assertive: 

Gestures appropriate with verbal message; relaxed.

Non-assertive: 

Fidgety; picking at fingernails; fluttery; clenched tightly.

Aggressive:                       

Finger pointing; pounding or thrashing; abrupt gestures; touching others.

Examples of Behavior

Assertive:                       

Giving compliments and accepting compliments; hugging and affirming others; saying no to unreasonable requests; controlling temper when angry; asking for what you want and need; initiating and stopping conversations.

Non-assertive: 

Saying yes when you want to say no; going along with others when you don't want to; avoiding others; peace at all costs; apologizing for something you didn't do.

Aggressive:                       

Condescending; building self up while putting others down; yelling; put downs; name calling; interrupting; demanding; ignoring others; silent treatment; sarcasm; ordering others.

Characteristics of Behavior

Assertive:                       

Honest, direct, expressive, self-enhancing, pro-active, appropriate.

Non-Assertive:  

Inhibited, indirect, emotionally dishonest, self-denying, reactive.

Aggressive:                       

Self-enhancing at the expense of another, expressive, reactive, depreciates others, makes choices for others.

For more information or help, please call:

MASTERPEACE Center for Counseling and Development

308 S. Maumee Street, Tecumseh, MI  49286 · 517-423-6889 · www.mpccd.com